Pregnancy's shadows and light

I am currently in the geographical location called Baby Bliss [somewhere between mile markers Total Exhaustion and Total Baby Independence]. Our babies are adorably affectionate, yet increasingly self-reliant (14 months). Every week their personalities unfold like little flowers in the heat of day.

I realized this because the post of a friend landed me back almost two years ago where the journey bringing these babies to our family unfolded. Through my first trimester and beyond, the road and the burden I carried felt at times incredibly lonely. No one but my husband and doctor knew about the pregnancy, and I felt like such a baby/wimp/loser for feeling so yucky all the time! Nausea and vomiting were part of the morning/afternoon/evening landscape into my 19th week. Exhaustion, depletion and emotional upheaval were unexpected and unwelcome house guests that I had imagined sheer force of will could put away. Wrongly so.

To read someone else describe her difficulties of pregnancy was an important experience for me. Jen's experience, while different, is yet similar, and validated my own. My pregnancy was wrought with divine miracles, intervention from Heaven, and continued direction from God. I am confident and grateful for the peace and surety of a Divine Creator that delivering two children has given me. It is an experience that furthered my conviction of the meaning of life. It was a holy time and these months are among the highlights of my short life.

In this reflection, I remember that is important to recognize the shadows and the brightness in the experiences of my life. Sometimes I want to flood out the dark with bright light: not wanting to be pessimistic, focus on the negative, or get stuck in missing out in beauties by seeing only what isn't bright. Finding peace with the shadows in our lives brings balance and counter to the light. Of course, without the darkness there would be no comprehension of light!

Accepting the challenges, pain, heartache, struggle and difficulty of our lives is one thing. Being able to live with them without allowing them to diminish all that is lovely and good is something more exquisite. A challenge well-worth the undertaking!

I am grateful for the rigors of pregnancy: they prepared me to understand something of the depth of emotion, selflessness and strength that motherhood is carving out of me. It hurts so good sometimes. And I love it all of the time. Even through an occasional tear or two. Motherhood is rigorous and absolutely delicious. I thank God, our Creator, that my husband and I are partners with Him in this work of parenthood.